Aloha

In Hawaii, we say, "Aloha" for “Hello” AND “Goodbye.” 

During my latest visit it was apparent that the kids are growing and changing at light speed.  (Note to the curious: I did not lose custody.)

Transformations include shifting bone structures, growing muscles, rolling eyes and changing attitudes.  Wait… the last two have been going on for about a decade now, I think..

Be still my heart.  

Life consists of phases – each of which has its own Aloha.

 I've always preferred a more raw, genuine look vs. a posed, "happy" face.  If you take your kids' photos for enough years you, too, can achieve this grumpy-cat face.  :) 



The 2nd 40 Days Without Kids

Last blog post was tragic instead of funny and sprinkled with gold and sparkles.  For that I am sorry. Actually I'm not.  I won't pretend.  It's hard with the kids so far away. No sense in pretending life is perfect.  

It's perfectly flawed.  

Because I like bullet points and lists, here is a list of things I accomplished over the last 80 days.  From least exciting to most thrilling.

Totaled my car.  (NEVER look for lipstick in a moving car around other moving cars.) 

Concussion?  Check.  Whiplash?  Check.  Did the gecko from Geico help me out?  No.  

  • Hung out with my cat.  Alone.  Considered having her made into a rug.
  • Decided starting the day at the gym at the crack of dawn is STILL and ALWAYS a good idea.
  • Cried.  
  • Learned that I am color blind and what is pink to me is not to other people.  (This whole time white has been pink to me and maybe my entire life in color has been fraudulent.) 
  • Bummed my Beaver fur hat from Park City is not pink but in fact white.  (WTF) 
  • Laughed.
  • Shocked.  Dismayed.  My faux fur jacket isn't pink either.  Faux pink.  Ugh.
  • (Maybe I'm perfect and the rest of y'all just don't see life in shades of rose like me...) 
  • Attended my first baseball game!!!!  (Did not eat peanuts.  Nobu sufficed.  Thank you John & Antony.) 

How on earth did the entire franchise of this team know I was coming AND paint my initials on the wall of a fancy box?  Amazing.

  • Heard someone making fun of people whose LinkedIn profile photos are car selfies.  Ran straight for a blazer and journalist haircut and threw my camera at one of our personal bankers at the bank.  Yay for professionalism via peer pressure!  (And no, I refuse to dress like Janet Reno to be good at my job.) 
Blonde AND red hot nails.  Snapppppppp!  Zero retouching folks..... those wrinkles are real!  

Blonde AND red hot nails.  Snapppppppp!  Zero retouching folks..... those wrinkles are real!  

  • GOT A LETTER IN THE MAIL FROM MY KID!!!!  YAY DEMI!!!!
  • Taught a 4th grade class about Entrepreneurship.  The only true way to a captive audience...be a dentist or a teacher.  Preferably dentist.  More money, less backtalk.
Can you imagine me as a teacher?  I have as much patience as a child on Christmas morning. 

Can you imagine me as a teacher?  I have as much patience as a child on Christmas morning. 

  • Baked an enormous amount.  Gave it all away. 
  • Started my own teen girl mentor group, yet to be named.  (I am a great public speaker and am confident and comfortable.  Speaking in front of 10 teen girls?  Terrifying.) 
  • Remembered teens have the attention span of a toddler.  (Less Confucius, more T-Swift.  Namaste!) 
  • Realized that helping others is the true way to happiness and fulfillment.  
  • Became an ambassador for the San Diego Film Festival.  (Please become a VIP Member so you can enjoy all the benefits namely hanging with people like me.) 
  • Accepted that milk sometimes spills.  The time spent making sure it doesn't spill doesn't prevent it.  It spilled.  No use crying over it.
  • Decided I'm kind of awesome.  You wanna hang out?  Better bring your A-game......

The First 40 Days Without Kids


The First Forty Days

Get out of bed.  Feel chest heave with each shallow breath. Wonder, “How will I make it through the day?”

Get back in bed. Repeat.

Read the news.  World suffering cheers me up.

Go to Work. Feel terrible.  Act normal. Talk myself out of panic attacks.

Put on happy face and avoid breaking the tear dam at work. “My kids are great!  Getting big!”

Offer bitter advice to friends having kid issues, “Your kids drive you crazy? Send them away.”

Say to self, “I did not abandon my children.  I did not abandon my children.  I did not abandon my children.” Did I?

Suspect that a long term relationship with my wonderful boyfriend is hopeless.

I end December by breaking up with my boyfriend and making a 10,000 mile round trip to surprise my kids for Christmas. I come home accompanied by fear and regret (for kids, not boyfriend).  


The Back Forty:

Start the new year strong:  Don’t think about kids! What kids?? See?  Breathe Stephanie.

Go to Sundance Film Festival and act like I'm a big deal.

Big Deal.

Big Deal.


Record and send my daily “Happy mommy videos” to my kids via their father. Hope he will not delete. Will they like it? Will they care?

Sigh at 10 minute intervals.

Breathe normally when not sighing.

Pay undue attention to my undeserving cat.

Sulu hard at work.

Sulu hard at work.

Daydream: “What if I could raise my children all over again but without the same mistakes?” Eat my heart out again.

I end this 40th day interval by making another 10,000 mile round trip to celebrate my 35th with my babies.  Friday is terrible. Saturday, we go to counseling. Sunday, I celebrate and leave.

A cheerful moment.  

A cheerful moment.  



Next 40 days?  I’m coming to get you.




Christmas Letter and Update 2014

2014 has been the best (and most unusual) year of my life.

For all you who love true gossip, here are the juicy parts:

Our Golden Boy Cole has been busy as an eighth grader at Oakcrest Middle school in Encinitas.  His skateboarding skills outshine his ability to do school assignments but that's okay, we love him so much and appreciate the leadership role he has taken in the family which includes daily clogging of toilets, gargantuan efforts to stall chores, soapless showers and the hoarding of Arizona iced tea in his bedroom.   (Perhaps he’s auditioning for “Hoarders:  Teen Edition.)  His biggest accomplishments this year were parting (no pun intended) with his trademark golden long locks and honing in on the use of an alarm clock.  In other Cole news, there was a three minute interval this summer wherein he grew four feet.  

No shortage of good looks here....he hates the camera.

When you eat Hot Tamales or drink a Pepsi think of me. I have forsaken those venal pleasures in an effort to become more fit than many women twice my age!  My first contest ended up in a paltry 9th place out of 8 or so competitors and a fake tan that any Oompa Loompa would envy.  Banking and the world of other people's money is my day to day life but I haven't given up on sewing unsuccessfully (hey the machine looks good on the table though), baking, writing, photography, talking and anything that takes me away from housework.  The reality show I was on was a bust as I realized it was anything but real. (You mean it's not a show about ME?  I'm out!)

Cole can't just smile pretty......

Cole can't just smile pretty......

Demi has been a very busy little fifth grader at some school in (Oakpark?  Park Tree?  I dunno.)  whose hobbies include countless selfies, video games, singing, smiling, being cute, and building a linear accelerator in her room.   When she's not brushing her teeth or combing her hair,  she has a twinkle in her eye and a slight professional head tilt for the camera.  She recently gave up the hobby of eating corn thru picket fences and decided enough was enough!  Braces were put on along with a four thousand dollar "thanks for doing business with us" receipt.  Ouch.  If my math is right, we paid somewhere close to eight hundred dollars per tooth. Let’s hope this works or we’re going straight to dentures.  Cheers to your new smile, Darling!  

Token Mouth Closed Shot

Sulu, our faithful furry critter, lies motionless. The only way we know she’s not dead is that she moves when the cupboard opens.  Her fur layers the apartment like volcanic ash and yet we love her still and the abusive relationship that her disdain makes possible. 

Poignantly pointless.  

And just like life likes to do, a curve ball came our way in the form of a family coup-  the children's desire to live with their Father full time.  After endless begging, moaning and groaning, I finally conceded realizing having them with me was doing more harm than good.   I'm sure their father appreciates my sentiment and will enjoy making school lunches, enforcing bed times and being the tooth fairy.  

Vaya con dios mis lovelies!  

I love you and miss you.  But I know this is good for everyone.  

 

So that's all the excitement for one year.  Here's hoping for another amazing, thrilling, healthy year!  Like Hans Christian Anderson once said,

"LIFE ITSELF IS THE MOST WONDERFUL FAIRY TALE."

Since every fairy tale abounds in heart ache and happiness, I must concur.  I hope your tale and mine end in happily ever after.

 

Love and Aloha,

Stephanie, Cole, Demi and that furry thing we call “Sulu.”

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5 Tips For Shooting Teens & The Archer Kids Encinitas

I'm used to shooting babies and toddlers.  Running after them, capturing their cuteness on the fly.  As my kids get older their friend's parents hire me and the shoots change from running around chasing snotty kids to working with young adults and helping them build their confidence.  Sometimes that includes doing makeup, helping with postures, poses and making everyone has fun.  It's a good thing I'm really dorky because teens and tweens think I'm funny which ends up showing beautifully in photos.  

A few tips to aid in a successful shoot with young adults....

1.  Make it fun!  

Let the kids be themselves!  Mix it up with goofy shots and also the formal poses you know the parent's want hanging over the fireplace.  I always let the kids know, "I want you to just hang out and laugh and be silly."  Easy peasy.

2.  Send the Mom on her way to get the kids a treat

Kids seem to loosen up when Mom or Dad aren't lurking in the background telling them what to do.  I usually send parents away to Starbucks or the nearest 7-11 to grab water or a snack for the kids.  Kids ALWAYS act different in front of the camera when parents aren't around!  

3.  Compliment and Help Build Confidence

Let the kids know how they are doing!  Give feedback but also help them with their posture and SHOW them how to pose.  Most of us aren't professional models.  I find that teen girls struggle with good posture, so I usually tell them ahead of time, "I'm going to help you stand up straight and look your best!"  That way they know what to expect and they know I will be "directing" the shoot so to speak....  Plus everyone loves a young lady with great posture.  Just sayin.  

4.  Help Parents with wardrobe choices

Be specific.  Sometimes I will even go over to a client's home ahead of time and help them choose.  I like when people bring two outfit choices on location.  I think the best shoots are the ones which the parents stretch slightly out of their comfort zone.  Mix and match.  No all white please..... Photographers:  SPELL IT OUT.  The more specific the more successful your shoot will be!

5.  Expectations

We are in the business of setting expectations.  People want to look good and will pay for it.  Have a few good vendors you like to work with, i.e. makeup artists and stylists.  The Archer family graciously allowed me to do their daughter's makeup and help style her.  Offer their services to help the shoot look well put together if you think necessary.  Put the time and effort into each and every client and your shoots will look like they came out of Teen Cosmo.  :) 

 

Red Carpet Ooh La la!!!!

You see that pose?

Being a banker in my community means having my hand on my hip and my fingers on the pulse of business and society in San Diego.  

I've had a blast getting to know all the wonderful people here and proving everyone wrong that said "San Diego has no Aloha Spirit."

I beg to differ my Aloha patrons, San Diego has blessed me and my sugar babies (Cole and Demi) with incredible warmth, inspiration and "Aloha Spirit."  

So I will continue to attend these events and let my friends make fun ("there she goes again, doing her rounds!") while I get to know everyone!  

p.s. Ladies put a hand on your hip and you'll appear skinnier.  Just saying.

In Honor of Gordon

We had a baby born and our Stepfather passed away last summer.  Sure was tough.  

Today marks 1 year since we lost Gordon.

Here are some shots from my bittersweet trip to Maui last year to celebrate Gordon and also baby Reef who is my sister's pride and joy. 

Love the one you're with.  Hold em tight.

 

p.s. The photo below of Demi pulling on a cord is the lighting fixture Gordon made out of a paint can.  He was crafty like that.

 


Loss

I think one of the most difficult challenges in life is loss.

Most of the time there is no real rhyme or reason.  My friend Terry just lost his wife at 49 of pancreatic cancer.  49.  That's really young.  My Stepdad died last year at 59 of lung cancer.  Steve's wife of breast cancer, Ashley's baby daddy of an aneuryism, Beth's Dad of cancer, Kaleb's Mom of cancer, Bud of cancer, Gary of cardiac arrest, etc.  The list goes on.  

I'm so sorry friends.

I'm watching my Mom grieve the love of her life and its so hard.  He's not coming back.  EVER.  Someone asked my Mom not too long ago, "How long are you going to grieve?"

I wish I knew how long grieving lasted.  My Mom wants the fast track.  But we both know it doesn't exist.  So until she gets there, she just gets up.  Breathes in and out.  Just like my favorite scene from one of the best films out there.....  (Pardon the strange sub-titles.) 

Love and Aloha

Jenni & Dane

I met Jenni when she was about 11.  She was my sister's brand new best friend's little adorable sister.  She was the perfect girl.  The perfect girl with the best laugh that always had a little snort at the end.

Then she became Dane's girlfriend.  

The two have not looked back since.

I'll never forget one evening I ran into Dane at

Casanova's or "Nova's" as we call it and I drilled him.

"Are you going to marry her?"

He said yes.

Then he went on to tell me all the wonderful things about her, including what a hard worker she was and how beautiful she was.  

I couldn't have been more honored to be a part of this amazing day.  

Jenni and Dane.  Love you both forever.  Thank you for choosing me.  

ALOHA NUI LOA


5 Best (Worst) Lines

I'm on a man hiatus.  It's just what needs to happen for right now.  We'll talk more about that later. 

I have a theory however.  If you decide you don't want something, it will magically appear EVERYWHERE.  (This includes babies.)  Men are coming out of the woodwork.  In droves.  With this comes enormous amount of comments, remarks and pick-up lines.  This week was maybe the worst in my history of being single.  Join me in a few laughs while you read the best of the worst.  And men, don't worry, I know that we ladies have equal or more to laugh at.  

1.  "You want to come over and watch a movie?"

Um, wow.  Why not just be real and ask to me to come over and take my clothes off and hop on your lap????!!!!  This is an appropriate question for someone that is actually TOGETHER or has an established friendship.  I mean seriously, when is the last time a girl came over and "watched" a movie with you?  Doh......  Serious amateur line.

2.  "I don't like planning things.  I like spontaneity.  So does that work?"

No.  It doesn't work.  Especially because you just complained to me that women in San Diego are "flaky as a good breakfast pastry."  See blog post "The Day in the Life of Stephanie."   If you want go out with me why not be a big boy and ask me out for coffee ON A SPECIFIC DAY AND TIME?  I kind of have a busy life.  Just sayin....

3.  "We should hangout sometime."

Shaking.  My.  Head.  Again, plan it.  I'll probably say no.  But ask me.  :) 

4.  "I love kids."  "I respect women."

Blah.  Sorry but not buying it.  If you are in your 40's and haven't gotten married, been engaged or have kids and been divorced, you don't REALLY love kids.  You just love kids right now because you think it might get you a shot in my knickers.  Admit it.  Honestly, I don't even like kids and I have them. 

 (I like mine and my friends mostly.  Key word:  MOSTLY.)  

Also, in regards to ANY man who says "I respect women."  Um, high five bro.  Glad you do.  But do you RESPECT ME?  

5.  "I know what kind of man you need."

I can't stop laughing.  Really?  You do?  In my best Charlotte from "Sex And The City" voice,

"WHERE IS HE???????????????"