I'm Busy

I am SOOOOO lucky and blessed to have some amazing people in my life here in San Diego.  Accidentally I have networked with hugely talented CEO's, CFO's, branding and marketing experts, and community managers.  (Some of the best in the country!)  Which leads to......

Ideas.

Lots of them.

Brain.  Won't.  Shut.  Off.

Thanks to the copious amounts of coffee I drink, I get more awake time (maybe at the cost of my health...eeek sorry body.) which has lead me to understand my need to say, "No" once in a while.  Here are five things I do when I catch myself saying "I'm busy." .  BS.  I’m not “busy”  I am doing WHAT I WANT.   I don't say "I'm busy" any longer.  It's annoying and a way of showing how “valuable” I am or how much sympathy I deserve.  Everyone is "busy."  Here’s my goal for doing what’s best without apologies for “being busy.”

How I simplify my life:

1.  Prioritize

Ask yourself, "is this getting me closer to my goal?"  If not, then refer to #2.

2.  Just say NO.

Practice shaking your head back and forth.  NOOOOOOOO.  Doesn't that feel good?

3.  Honor Myself!!!!

Does whatever you are doing or being asked to do go along with what you ACTUALLY believe in?  Is this just a time-filler?  Great things don't come from time fillers, yo.  Ask me about the time I was headed to Vegas for a mediocre event and crash on a dude's couch.  One of my mentors said, "Why?  Isn’t your life and time so much more valuable than that?  This seems like the opposite of the good direction you’ve been going."  (Plus it didn't align with a goal of avoiding random encounters with men.  Ahem.....)  I now ask, “Am I benefitting myself now with this decision and am I honoring my “future self” (the person I will be five years from now) by making this decision?

4.  "I will think about it" 

I enjoy making people happy.  Folks like me are prone to become people-pleasers if we’re not careful.  Sometimes I feel pressured to give answers and responses right away to people.  WAIIIIT a minute people. Slow the heck down.  You want me to do WHAT???  People who want your time should give you time, right?  So the time you take in making a decision should correspond to the time required from you once you make that decision..  So just ask.  If they need a response immediately, refer to #2.  Just say, NO.

5.  Don't Compare.

What works for Susie and Jim-Bob, does not work for me..  As much as I learn from others, I don’t “compare” myself to anybody who is doing things I am not and not doing things I am.  (Ladies and gentlemen, I gently nudge you away from comparing marriages.)  I don’t want to socialize with girlfriends when I want to network for business and I don’t want to sit on the sofa when I want to work out and I don’t want to stand at the sink when I want to sit on the sofa.  Especially if my kids are on the sofa.

 

Thanks to my friends for putting up with my endless stream of ideas and business concepts.

When I hit it big we'll all go to Tahiti, ok?  

(Suzanne.  Molly.  Liz.  Mariah.  You know who you are.) 

Below is my next business venture's VISION board!!!!!!  You will LOVE it.

 

Haters Gonna Hate

This weekend I had one of those jaw dropping moments.  And it wasn't a good one.

Here was the setting:

Black tie event.  The Reality show I'm sort of on was filming.  Most of the cast was there.  I felt good.  In fact, I didn't feel good, I felt GREAT.  I felt like I looked my best, was in attendance with one of my bff's, and was excited to be out of the house and in a fancy Easter-y dress.

After telling a certain fellow bikini/fitness competitor how wonderful I thought they looked, a bunch of us headed up to a hotel room to a pre-party.

Socializing, having fun, laughing, men and women around, and then a BOMB is dropped on me.

Fellow bikini competitor:

"Can I give you a little piece of advice?"

Gulp.

Before I can say "no you can't" she blurts out (in front of PLENTY of men to hear),

"Why are you doing a contest so soon?  You aren't stage ready.  You really need to put on more muscle before you get on stage."

Eyes well up.  Fake eyelashes are struggling to dam up the tears.  Don't blink Stephanie.  They might fall out.  At that moment a MILLION things went thru my mind.  Why is this person putting me on the spot?  OMG everyone is staring and wanting a reaction from me.  

WHAT THE EFF????!!!!!!

"Um..... well, the original plan was......" and I say something stupid.

Heart racing.  Mad.  

It seemed as though this person just took the last four months of my hard work away, in one sentence.  And why?

I stammered with my speech.  

"I have a bad back, so it's hard for me, and I'm really just a Mom.  It's not like I actually care about these things."

Lie.  I do care.  But I do have a bad back.  And I did get sick right before my contest.  I knew I didn't look as good as the other competitors.  

BUT THAT DOESN'T MATTER YOU DUMB B*TCH.

Breathe.  Get breathing under control.  Don't blink.  Smile.  Be polite.  

Run away as fast as you can Stephanie.  Where is your friend???!!!  What is WRONG with people?  I just got done building this person up ON CAMERA and telling them how awesome they looked and they do this to me?  

Many years ago on Maui, a wonderful therapist told me this:  "What others think you is none of your business" and she also said "there is no such thing as constructive criticism, it's just called criticism."  Thank you Carolyn Jackson.  

And thank you jealous, troll of a woman, for revealing yourself to me.  I now know your true colors.  I won't change myself or give explanations as to WHY I'm not up to your standards, or defend myself.  HOWEVER, with that being said I have a new rule:

No, you cannot give me advice.  I will seek advice from the proper guide when needed.

AND.  Next time you think you know someone's story, maybe take a minute to really learn, because you usually DON'T know their story, and are basing your opinions and judgements from hearsay and what you are seeing from the outside in.

 

I think I look really good.  If you don't think so, then bug off.  I don't want to hear it.

Happy Birthday Dad!

This Guy.  

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Best guy ever.  My Dad turns 64 today.  I've never seen him look better in all the years I've known him.  Super involved Grandpa.  Pepsi lover.  Avid fitness enthusiast.  (Thank you!) Fiercely loyal Democrat and liberal.  Long haired hippie from East Los Angeles. 

You cold?  He'll take the shirt off his back for you.

Need help buying a car?  He's got your back.  (And won't stab you!) 

Not sure how government works?  He'll educate you.  Might slap you for not voting. 

Not sure what to get him for a present?  He likes tee shirts.  

Doesn't like fancy dinners.  Can cook his own.  Quite well in fact.

Need a good April Fool's joke?  He will supply you many. 

Most involved Grandfather I know.  Maybe too involved.  :) 

Loves his baby girls with everything he has and his Grandkids even more.  

Thanks for everything you do Dad.  I love you.  Have a great Birthday.  Love those green eyes.

Take a breather every now and then Pops.  That blood pressure gets all wacko.

2014 Jerry Dow

2014 Jerry Dow

Bikini Contest Part 1

When I was 13 my Mom got me a membership to Corvallis Fitness Center.  I'll never forget it.  It was the best thing she ever did for me.  I could melt away my frustrations, confusions and get away from the world.  (You recall that 13 for most people is a hideous time in general.)

Fast forward 20 years.  I have been lifting weights this whole time.  Had my ups and downs in life, but the gym has always been there.  Who needs Xanax when you've got weights to pull and push?  I realized it was much more than "looking good."  It was crucial to my overall mental health that I have physical fitness in my life.  When the kids were really little I forced myself to go to the gym.  (Monica Theobald, Jane Hehemann, Molly Murrill, you were all there!!) Not only did I get back to pre-baby shape, I actually got better!

Then a divorce happened.  (The smile was hiding the sadness.) 

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Then a move across the island.  (Let's start a new life!!)

 

Then a move over the sea.  (Let's REALLY start a new life!!) 

 

Ignorance is bliss right?

Geesh.

I had lost my sense of personal challenge.  Gotten comfortable.  Became a wine drinker.  (Gasp!) Indulged in whatever I wanted and worked out here and there.  Let's not forget I also had a family member dying, started a brand new career in banking and had a super stalky/grumpy former husband threatening to take my kids away at a moment's notice all while raising two kids by myself.  I'll give myself a LITTLE bit of credit for the drinking.  :) 

 (Note to self:  Bloody Mary's and Tostitos GMO Corn chips are NOT healthy.) 

If you know me you know I like a challenge.  (Bad boys included.  VERY bad habit that I am rid of thank you very much.) 

I needed a big challenge.  When "only other people can do that" or "you can't do that" enters my mind, so does the ability for me to jump in and say "YES I CAN!!!" 

This new challenge wasn't just so I could "look hot."  It was so in my mind I could prove to myself that anything I want to do is possible.  ANYTHING. 

So don't tell me I can't. 

Because  I WILL.  :) 


Blah.  That's how I felt in a bikini.

Before........

I know!  Don't I look thrilled????

8 weeks later.......


 

More details coming this week about my adventure!

Including the REAL secret to losing weight and "toning up" and why a relationship autopsy is good for the soul.....

Spring Portrait Time!

The sun is out in San Diego!  Yay!

Okay, it's out here a lot actually but it's warmer which means time to update your family photos!  

I'm running a special for Spring too!

$375 for shoot and image disk 

Limited availability so book your spot now!  

Now accepting credit cards too! 

Call or text at 619-889-3153

After May 1st prices increase to $500

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A Day in The Life Of Stephanie "Dow" Sheveland

I realized one day I literally do not to stop moving.  So I decided to sort of loosely write down what I do.  It's sort of funny, sort of sad, sort of crazy.  Parents will relate.  Non parents will rush to the nearest drug store for birth control and St. John's wort for the impending depression.  LOL!  

 

4:30- Wake up

5-6 Gym-  Avoid eye contact with men.  Or anyone that is smiling and talkative.  

6-6:45 Say, “Cole wake up”, adjust Demi’s shower temp, sip coffee, ignore cat.  Repeat.

6:45- Yell at Cole nicely. He begins to shower.

6:45-7:00-  Talk story with daughter, commiserate with son who hates school more than he hates showers. Make breakfast in time for it to get cold.

7:00-  Check emails. Groom. Despair over house.

7:15-  “Hey Cole, here’s an idea: When you shower, use soap.” Breakfast assumes room temperature.

7:20- Yell some more.  Ignore daughter’s eye rolls.

7:25-  Sing to kids, "Brush your teeth!  Shoes and socks!” (but not in that order or socks hard to put on)  Sit in car. Wait.

7:30-  Remind kids to always be punctual. Drop them off late.  Breathe steady and listen to 80’s music until blood pressure normal again. Peace.  

7:50-  Remember everything for work. Leave for work. Forget work folder.  Return home. Repeat.

8:00-  My legs hurt.

8:01- Take call from Cole. Retrieve his forgotten iPad, lunch bag, permission slip, pencil, and shoes."

8:10- Return home again. Bring everything in it to school.

8:15- Told I am $7.00 in arrears to the lunch bank.  Sigh.  

8:30- Drive 60 miles to work wearing mostly cat fur.  Call every prospect on earth..

9:30-4:00-  Act all professional-like and everything, y’know?  Take calls from children requesting to do something fun. Ruin their fun. Forget to eat. Stay on diet.  Field emergency phone call from Mom.  "I can't figure out how to attach this file, this pdf thingie to an email."  Sigh. 

4:05-  Forget that freeway is called 405 because you must never drive it at that time. Go slow. Call parents. Cry.

5:30-  Pick up the last girl left in after-school care. Promise it's not because I don't love her.

6:00-  Come home to messy house.  Cole is hiding in his man cave.  Cat asleep in same spot we left it year ago. House smells. Wonder why man cave has full gallon of OJ with no cup.

6:15-  Change. Microwave. Eat! Leave! Drive 30 miles round trip to kids sports. Pay late fee for sports tuition. Make excuse. “It’s all right. Just pay us the fine.”  Sit with moms and talk nutrition. Act attentive. Fib.

8:30-  Home. Do homework. Fight over homework. Drink coffee.  Drink more. Then more.  Squats and lunges while helping with homework. Reward with dessert.  Resist temptation to do children’s homework.

9:00-. Read to kids. Get them water and more dinner. Build fire trail out of room just in case I leave a candle on. Find hamper buried under dirty laundry.  

9:15-  Read ex’s text to learn I am a terrible Mother and was a horrible wife. Be stupefied. Be sad.

9:30-  Clean house.  Stop cleaning.  Drink coffee.  Pet cat.  Talk to one child who is sleepless and another who misses my ex.  Counsel and encourage. Hug.  Send back to bed.  Feel stress.

10:00-  Make goals for tomorrow.  Vow not to yell. Vow to be patient and kind. Pluck eyebrows (no vow necessary).  Call hairdresser.  Wonder why laundry fairy never visits me. Discover the vomit of the world’s laziest cat on my bed.  

10:15-  Get late night text from Man.  "Whatcha doing?"  Really?????????  REALLY?????  I'M DOING NOTHING.  NOTHING.

10:30-  Get second wind to do dishes. Feel like I’ve climbed Everest!!!

11:00.  Write about my day. This is it. Go to bed.  Leave candle burning all night.  Oops.

This is California

A weekend in Sunny Santa Monica is sure fun.  Friends, food and wine.  And yes my daughter climbed to the top of that crazy tall rope...... mini heart attack.

Thanks to Joe and Jody for hosting us at their newly remodeled casa in the heart of Santa Monica.  We walked everywhere and had a blast.  Not only are they uber stylish and a breeze to hang out with they're the owners of my favorite clothing stores in Hawaii, "Mahina."

You can view their site here. 

Goodbye Summer...Hello Fall

I meant to post this awhile ago but life happened. 

I meant to do a sunset hangout with friends at the firepit at the beach at the end of summer but I didn't.

I want to get the kids new fall clothes for a fancy shoot of our own but I haven't. 

So this is what I have.

A 2 minute "put your arm around your sister and act nice" request and then they were off in the surf....

Demi went in fully clothed. 

 

Rebecca & Bryce

In all the years I've been shooting weddings no one has asked me to sit with them and have dinner during an event.  Rebecca was the most generous bride and was so easy to work with.  If only every event could be like this one!!!  It was truly an honor to work with her and Bryce and a JOY to fly back to my home state of Hawaii.  Rainbows, blue oceans and incredible sunsets is what it's all about.  

The love between these two was as clear as the oceans we shot beside.   

Thanks Rebecca and Bryce and Family for sharing your day with me, it was truly an honor. 

aloha

The Sillstrop Family

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Yay for beautiful happy families!   

The Sillstrops are one of the first families I made friends with when I moved to Encinitas.  All of our kids have been in the same classes and they truly have the "aloha" spirit here in San Diego. 

Thinking of buying or selling your home?  Make sure you visit their website and give them a call!   

www.thesillstropgroup.com

 

Enjoy and Happy Day!